“So, You Don’t Drink? Don’t You Think Your Life Is Boring Without Alcohol?”

(Spoiler: It’s not.)

Photo courtesy of author

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older.

Not in a philosophical way. I just wanted to do what adults did. Be taken seriously. Make important decisions. Have opinions.

Back in 1979, in the Netherlands, that meant drinking a carbonated soda called Snor. Which translates, unfortunately but accurately, to Moustache.

The whole point of Snor was that it created a thick foam when you poured it into a glass. The foam would stick to your upper lip when you drank it, giving you the illusion of a frothy beer moustache. This made me feel extremely mature. Like a tiny, socially approved version of a beer-chugging adult.

It was basically cosplay for future middle managers.

Then, in the early eighties, Snor evolved into something more serious: Shandy. If you were on the path to becoming a full-fledged beer drinker in the Netherlands, you would have encountered this transitional beverage.

Royal Club’s tagline was “Fris met een ietsje alcohol” — a soft drink with a hint of alcohol. Just enough to feel rebellious without upsetting your mother.

It was sweet, fizzy, came in a bottle, and looked vaguely like beer. Which made it…